red dot little duck

The FIRST day of the cleanse SUCKED. I was soooo grouchy. Thinking “why would anyone do this to themselves?” (our first attempt at making the kitchardi was pretty much a fail and it tasted terrible) Then day two got a little easier, I basically sequestered myself in my office and didn’t really talk with anyone. Day three, Mike says something to me about setting an intention for the cleanse. I’m like, “intention? hhmmmmm… intention…” so I thought about it.

Day four I started my cycle and caught a cold. Day five I got my immunization shots for my trip. Both of these things added a little more pressure on the unpleasantness button. All the while I was thinking about my intention. I thought about it through drinking a half a cup of Flax seed oil. I thought about it as I ate another bowl of Kitchardi, as I gulped down bitter herbs and rubbed oil all over my body. I thought about it as I resisted the daytime snacks and the coffee and the after work glass of wine. I thought about it and thought about it. Intention… And then came the day of the purge.

I had gotten up about 5am so that I could drink the castor oil and get through most of the unpleasantness before I taught class at 9:30 and then a restorative workshop at 11. I read through the directions carefully and followed all the steps. Carefully. It was now 7:30 and nothing. I felt sick. Like the flu and stepped in and was slapping me around. I hadn’t pooped in days so I knew that if it didn’t happen soon I was probably going to die. Literally. I tried everything. Belly massage, jumping jacks, childs pose… and then it happened. I will spare you most of the details but what was coming out of me was unlike anything I had ever imagined. So gross. And so I’m sitting there as my insides are flowing into the porcelain throne, thinking, “what the hell was my intention?”

Later that day, as I started to feel better – lighter, it finally came to me. Throughout the week I had cut out the distractions, taking things out of my day that weren’t really supporting what I wanted to do with my life and my practice. And it wasn’t that hard once the decision was made to do it. Yes there were moments when I just wanted a handful of cheddar pirate booty or a mini butterfinger but for the most part it wasn’t that hard. Eventually it brought things back into focus. A place of knowing that I can create the conditions needed to support my practice and my life. And I am so incredibly GRATEFUL.