red dot little duck

Embarking on yet another new year, thinking about new beginnings and change and all that… I specifically recall one of a few distinctly significant moments in my timeline. I was relaxing at the bar where I worked, my day off, imbibing in an afternoon beverage (as I often did) where I found myself feeling disconnected, heavy and sad. Sitting there next to the dart board, munching on popcorn, I remember thinking… intensely, “something has to change.”

It wasn’t the first time I recall these words permeating my being in a full and complete way. I had been working on change. I was back in school and getting my feet on the ground after four years in an ugly situation involving addiction and isolation. But, I knew how to get out of that situation. It wasn’t easy but I knew what to do… leave and start over. This time, however, it had to be more, it had to be deeper, I had to develop something new within myself.

A friend of mine had recommended I try yoga. I told her, “yeah, that sounds nice, but no way I’ll ever be doing that.” Two days later I found a flyer advertising a local yoga studio welcoming beginners. Finding this flyer after telling my friend no way was interesting, yet my full interest wasn’t solidified until after randomly finding two more flyers in the coming days. I decided to take that as a sign and just go.

I showed up to my first ever class extremely self-conscious, unhappy and terrified. I will never forget it… that class changed the course of my life. For the first time, I connected with my body through movement and breath in a way that left me feeling light. I hadn’t felt light my entire life. It was one of the most physically challenging and emotionally rewarding days of my life. The next day I bought a mat and a class pass. Those early experiences were incredibly influential. Yet it all took time to resonate, to lead to deeper and more inspiring experiences. (The evolution of that is still happening.) Some things happened faster than others, positive and challenging things, but the truly important part was discovering the will to follow a path toward real change.

Now, twelve years later, I take a moment to reflect on what it took to begin and where that has taken me. Two years after my initial class I found my teacher, whom I’ve had the opportunity to grow with over the last ten years. I now teach and travel and continue to study. All of the experiences leading up to now have been instrumental in my growth and development. It all started with a desire for change and that one class. It’s difficult to express my appreciation to all of those who have been part of that but I hope you know who you are. Today, from a place of gratitude, I take a moment to envision the road ahead and count my blessings.